My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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