Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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