it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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