just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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