Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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