So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
