I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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