That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
