She's like a pop up book from hell.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
