It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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