I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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