I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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