So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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