I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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