Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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