just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
