batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize