I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
