last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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