come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
