I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
