there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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