"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
