And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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