i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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