respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
