I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
