Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
