it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
