can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
