i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
