Three words: puerto rican gang bang
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
