shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
