I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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