actually, I'm a sock model
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
