WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
