woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
