You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
