Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
