I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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