Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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