just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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