there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someone shattered a urinal.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
