His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
