By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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