THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
