We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The power of my boobs compel you
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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