so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
