I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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