I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
