I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can I color on your dick again?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
