wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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