I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
