i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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