sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
