FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
