I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
