I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
