When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
