when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
