i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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