I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
