I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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