This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All the doctor said was why
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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