I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
