I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
