i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
