If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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