If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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