1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
