and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
